“I invite you to take some time this week to do…nothing.” Patrick, our facilitator tells us during class this past Monday. Panic floods my brain. I don’t have time for “doing nothing”. I have a list a mile long of things I have to accomplish before I move. That day is fast approaching and I’m not quite finished with packing. “How do you guys feel about that?” he asks.
One woman pipes up saying she is having a hard time with it because to her doing nothing is not being “productive” and she doesn’t know what to do with that. I completely understand because I have the same outlook. Somehow I got it in my head that I am to be doing something at all times. I am to be in motion all the time. I’m thinking that maybe it’s because I believe that if I slow down for a moment, I might actually feel something. I may not like that so I don’t want to stop and look at it. Whatever “it” is, it’s like a little bee buzzing in my ear making me run harder, spin faster into orbit desperately wanting to leave the planet and any unpleasant feelings that might come with it.
I sit quietly and take in this information. I’ve been silent since sharing at the beginning of class when I opened my mouth to speak and tears came instead. I haven’t stopped running around long enough to acknowledge that I am tired. I am overwhelmed and scared. I also have a mean case of PMS so everything feels like it’s going to come crashing down at any moment. I listen as Patrick reads aloud a paragraph in Artist’s Way book that says artists need time alone. Away from people. It’s a way of recharging that we can’t get through completing our “to-do” lists or engaging with someone else.
On Wednesday I’m back in my apartment, packing. I’m an hour in when it seems I’m going to drown in a pile of laundry and I’m not sure what to put in the next box. Jeff’s words play over in my mind. “Just put it in the box. You just need to transport it from A to B. It doesn’t have to be perfect.” That last part was so freeing. I don’t even know what “perfect” packing looks like but it doesn’t stop me from striving towards it. I fill another box with books and walk out of the room. I’m taking… a break. To do… nothing.
I sit on the couch and stare out of the window. The sun is shining. The clouds are fluffy. I feel air moving in an out of my lungs while watching the birds as they jump from branch to branch on the tree that resides at the window. A man is playing with his dog across the street in the park and for a moment I forget everything. Nothing else matters but sunshine and being still.
Of course this doesn’t last long before I’m back in my room putting away my books until there are no more books to put away. I start the laundry feeling just a teeny bit more peaceful thinking I should do this more often. I (and you) deserve to stop a moment and take that break.
Do you have a hard time doing nothing?
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