Monday, September 26, 2011

Undergrad...

I finally met with an advisor, Mr. Rhiani, from Harold Washington who was referred to me by a co-worker I ran into from our Wicker Park salon. I brought with me the paperwork I acquired from the advisor at the Pacific College of Oriental Medicine and as I talked with Mr. Rhiani he pointed out that his job with me was nearly obsolete because I had all the classes I needed laid out for him. I simply needed to follow the guidelines already given to me when it came to taking classes. He suggested I stay for an extra two hours on top of the 60 that I would be there for, and get an associates degree in fine arts. I learned that that Spanish was both offered and required for the degree, (something I want to learn) and (eek!) piano!!! I was high as a kite when I saw that I could play again for elective credit. I’ve been daydreaming again about buying some sheet music and renting an hour at the library every so often to play, which I will still do, but to know that I could take classes again?! This was simply amazing. Maybe this undergrad thing won’t be as painful as I originally expected.
All this fabulousness will not be happening before doing all the unpleasant things first. Things like applying for financial aid, and taking the dreaded placement exam. Nothing freaks me out faster than a standardized test. Mr. Rhiani explained what to study and later when I looked it all up, seeing algebraic equations I haven’t thought about in forever I quickly shut it down and went for a walk…to Jeff’s.
“You need to be where you are.” he pointed out in the middle of my freak out session as we sat on his couch with coffee he carefully measured and brewed. Our couch time was something we used to do a lot more of when we first met but haven’t lately with our busy schedules. “You haven’t touched algebra in nearly fifteen years.”
I nod but don’t breathe, blink, or speak for fear of Niagara Falls style tears will burst from my eyes. It’s not really about the test, it’s about what I’ve learned about myself that I didn’t know I knew until this school process started. I am not as dumb and lazy as I originally perceived myself to be. This realization feels immense and overwhelming. I’m elated but also feel a lot of grief for how I was and am working hard to simply let it go. I can’t fix anything that happened already but I can move forward and make different choices today. That is what’s got me all wound up. Part of me wants to be still and have a moment or several with this realization while another part is ready to be done with it and move forward to discover what I didn’t a long time ago and more. Not only that, but this part wants flawless understanding of all the material I will have to learn, straight A’s and perfection.
I know Jeff is right. I know that I need to be exactly where I am and accept it. I don’t want to though. I still fear that I am completely ignorant, incompetent, stupid and I want to run away from it. This feeling is something I’ve carried around with me for as long as I can remember but haven’t spoken of. I believe it’s why I’m so emotionally charged about school. I can’t believe I’m going back into this world. Not only that, I’m going into it believing that I will do well. It’s so very scary, but so very wonderful all at the same time.

Wednesday, September 7, 2011

Summer in Pictures...

All this school stuff has had my head spinning lately. After meeting with an advisor at the school I've been going to for acupuncture treatments I've learned that I need some undergrad units before applying for the acupuncture program. Sixty of them to be exact. This has resulted in more research of schools trying to narrow down what will be the best option. So far I've decided on a community college, Harold Washington, to complete all of this. I've also decided to begin in the winter as I missed the cut off for applications for fall.

To ward off stress, I've baked a good bit this summer. I even roasted a chicken for Jeff! Something about being in the kicthen, focusing on creating something calms me down almost immediately.

As far as marathon training goes,it's been exceptionally hot and humid this July so not much running happened. I'm still set to run Atlanta's marathon Oct 30, and have currently been picking up my pace now that breathing is an option upon exiting my apartment.

Work has been lovely, although I've been daydreaming a lot about getting away to some quiet cabin in the woods in Wisconsin with Jeff. This summer was a busy one... more than usual as we both had friends in town, work obligations plus Jeff moved into another apartment. My brother Patrick and his wife Alex came up for a weekend and my best friend Kat came up the following weekend for Lollapalooza. While it was all a good time, I'm soooo looking forward to my favorite season...fall, with all it's chilly air, changing leaves, and pumpkin spice lattes...

The images below sum up the fabulousness that the end of summer was...







Jeff and I meant to go to the aquarium on what turned out to be the hottest freakin' day of the summer. There was a line out the door, spilling on to the pavement. Our change of plans included taking a water taxi (first time for both of us!) to Navy Pier where we sat outside, eating ice cream, and riding this giant swing thing before seeing a movie. I felt like I was five years old. It was a perfect day.




I made some vegan cookie dough, recipe compliments of www.neverhomemaker.com, and added it to some chocoalte pasta from Seattle with sliced bananas. Mmm...

Being a tourist for a weekend was so much fun! I was quickly reminded of the many things I love about Chicago when my brother and his wife came up. We went to Millennium Park, took a boat tour along the river, went to the Art Institute and walked every where. I was happy to show them my favorite restaurants, apartment and daily life...







Oh Lollapalooza...I'm happy to say I did it, I'm happy to have done it with Kat, but I'm too old for this kind of crazy. On the last day it rained, producing a gorgeous rainbow. After that, we called it a night, met Jeff for pizza and beer at Piece before Kat was headed back to Atlanta.





BEACH!!! I've been in Chicago almost three years and have yet to go to the beach. One day Jeff and I met up at the Roger's Park farmer's market to see his cousin Nick, and his girlfriend Becky while they worked. After that we headed to the beach, meandered around the Roger's Park area, had lunch, and went to a new coffee shop. A few weeks later, Jeff and I went back to the water for swim. Yet another perfect
day(s).








Let's not forget...



The Chicken!!!!

I had so much fun getting all the ingredients, and spending all afternoon like a
1950's housewife in the kitchen preparing a dinner that consisted of the chicken, handcut and seasoned fries, veggies, and a salad for Jeff while he was working. I was even more thrilled to see that it actually turned out well and nothing blew up.

After an eventful summer I'm ready for the deliciousness that is fall. I can't wait for the city to slow down, become a little quieter, and to enjoy the last few days of extended sunlight before the darkness of winter settles in...