I saw this great man of coffee one chilly January morning a little over a year ago before the sun came up as I sleepily stumbled into Intelligentsia as per usual on a day off. My heart skipped a beat for the first time in a goodly while upon the sight of this human. His perfect body, striking dark hair and warm brown eyes melted every ounce of my being and for a brief second I forgot where I was.
When I caught my breath I ordered a large Americano from the sweet girl at the register. The entire time I was there, writing, (or ahem, something resembling writing…) I was glancing up, hoping to sneak peeks of him while he worked, interacted with other customers and his co-workers. I wanted to touch his hair, his perfect collarbone, and feel his hand in mine.
I then climbed down off the ledge I was about to jump off of. I’m always in a hurry, imagining my life intertwining with a perfect stranger’s. For all I know, he’s happily committed to a lovely girl and I can officially take my head out of clouds.
Shortly after my Americano is consumed, I’m out the door and getting on with my day, mentally planning a trip back on Saturday, my next day off in hopes of glimpsing this creature again. Girlfriend or not, I will admire him from afar.
Saturday came and went without any sightings of the man of coffee. I saw him one more time before…
…he got a haircut and I developed enough nerve to tell him I liked it. We were standing at the register. It was February first, his co-worker ringing me up when he thanked me and I asked where he got it done. This opened all sorts of dialogue about how the experience was for him, and lead me to tell him about my job.
“I’m Jeff.” he later tells me, offering his hand when I’m retrieving Americano number two.
“Melissa.” I shake his hand
One thing led to another and we were having breakfast on his break, then dinner later that night. Three nights later he kissed me on the street at a busy intersection before saying goodbye for the evening and I knew I was in a world of trouble. I was going to fall in love again. It wasn’t the kind of falling where it’s hard and fast like being on an airplane before it lands, or dramatic like a rollercoaster or where you’re trying to fall in love, but it’s not really happening, nope. It was more of a drifting, floating like a feather being carried by a gentle breeze. It was something unlike anything I’ve ever experienced.
It has not been without it’s challenges. I am still working through what it means to continue grieving the loss of Rob while experiencing what it’s like once again to be in a relationship, to accept love, and give it back. I’m learning what it feels like to talk, share, and be myself while allowing him to do the same. I was on this path with Rob but somehow stumbled when he died. Jeff has done a spectacular job at teaching me more patience and accpetance than I have ever known or deserved. I certainly can’t know what it’s like for him to be on the receiving end of my saddness.
We’ve been together a year today*. I used to say that I lost the love of my life in a car accident but just the other day, when I was constructing this entry in my head I found myself “writing” with my mind’s hand that Jeff is the love of my life. The thought caught me off guard and made me smile. I think I sometimes forget that I’m still on this planet, having experiences and yes…falling in love again. A year is the most amount of time I’ve spent with anyone in… years. Our relationship has happened one day at a time despite my overactive girl-brain. I have come to appreciate Jeff in a way I never knew I was capable of appreciating anyone. I have never trusted someone so much in my life. I’ve told him things I’ve never said aloud before, and he heard me, expressed my redheaded temper and he stayed, cried, and he let me. He makes me laugh, he fills me up, and gives the best hugs I’ve ever experienced. He lets me talk and says he loves to listen to me. His smooth voice though, is something I never tire of. I am completely calm under his touch and the sight of him still has me melting like butter on the best pancakes I’ve ever had in my life. I “knew” on some level that I would fall in love again after the loss of Rob but I never imagined it would be this big. I never expected to love someone so completely as I do now. Happy Anniversary honey. I love you! :*
* our actual anniversary is tomorrow but due to my work schedule, I wanted to post this today. :)
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