Pictures and Anniversaries...

Hello! I just need to start with this image... It's the middle of April folks and snow is surrounding the budding flowers. I'm also wearing these and I'm over it... Backing up, here are the pictures from the previous week and a half. April 9th: Tiny April 10: A place Inside the Pittsfield building is the Pittsfield Café where Jeff and I went together the day we met during his shift at work. April 11: Detail I just got this lil piece of cuteness in the mail along with several other cake and ice cream sparklies. April 12: In the middle I made this and love that chocolate brown flower... in the middle. April 13: View from your bed Yup. April 14: Water This little darling was sitting in the front window of Alliance Bakery. April 15: Alone I love this pigeon. :) April 16:your favorite color I'm obsessed with green! April 17:Busy I drew this! April 18: hello! and April 19th: button I felt too lazy to do anything with these so...insert your own! Last but not least... April 20th: On your mind I snapped this shot from the screen on my computer via pinterest.com. Rob's on my mind today. He's been gone five years today. Half a freakin' decade! I can't believe it. Each year I've felt inspired to go someplace or do something in his honor. I don't search for this inspiration, but it always finds me. Today I chose to go to an OA meeting and to go to the Garfield Park Conservatory. At the meeting I shared that I lost Rob and while today I can say that I'm truly grateful to have had the experience I had with him, I do have my low points that creep up days before the 20th. Those consist of anger, questions of "why did this happen?!" and feelings of despair. They're all very familiar feelings as I experienced them on a much larger scale shortly following his death. I vowed to not slip too far down that rabbit hole five years ago, to accept that this is part of my life now and to move forward when I was ready. When the meeting ended I didn't get up and race out like I usually do. I stayed and accepted all the love, hugs and kind words extended to me by the lovely women I am now seeing twice a month at this particular meeting. I wanted those hugs. I wanted to soak up everything they had to offer and know that it was good, and that I needed it. They told me things like "be gentle with yourself today", "do something to honor him", and "it's good to have rituals that help you remember and honor the time you spent together." They also reminded me that our "bodies never forget and they react accordingly." One woman said that she sees people float through their grief like it's no big deal but she's a mess every time the anniversary of her mother's death rolls around. I felt so unbelievably comforted in ways I had not experienced in quite sometime. I stayed longer and talked with a wonderful woman as if I had known her my entire life. It felt sooooo spectacular to be completely free, open and honest that I was practically floating to the Conservatory. Being that it's Saturday, the place was swarming with kids and meandering tourists. I sat outside, got very still and quiet and watched the birds while silently thanking Rob for everything he gave me. It didn't take long for me to get cold so I wandered back in and eventually left, heading to Alliance to write for a bit. A nap followed along with some drawing, reading and a few chores. Perfect day.

The Weekend Pictures...

This weekend was all kinds of busy! From work to hanging out with friends and Jeff, to pecking away at some school stuff, my brain is mush. However...I took these pictures! April 4: This happened today Yup. This tragic, currently unfinished drawing took place on Thursday. We're learning about cross-hatching, stippling and squiggle lines to create value in an image. I used these techniques in art when I was in high school and didn't do so well then. Not much has changed... April 5: Something good Jeff and I made brie stuffed-crust pizza on Friday night! It was amazing! I've never made pizza dough from scratch. Freakin delicious! We acquired the recipe from www.neverhomemaker.com. I've loved everything I've made from that blog. April 6: Air Hehe. I trapped some air in this glass! April 7: Dreamy This was taken at the Unicorn Café before work. A latte, a croissant, and writing is on of the most dreamiest things in the world to me. April 8: On your plate Here is a delightful peanut butter chocolate chip cookie from Lovely café. I stopped by Lovely in the middle of the afternoon to work on a research paper for English and this delectable item distracted me from the dreadful task. Speaking of....I should get back to it...

April 2nd and 3rd...

Hello! The following are pictures from the past couple of days. April 2nd: Blue This is the Barbicide container on my station at work and two of the hairclips I use when sectioning off hair during haircuts and blow-dries. I felt lucky to even find the hairclips as I'm usually wandering off with them attached to my clothing. I was tempted to take a picture of the sky because it's blue again after many many weeks of gray and gross but...that was too easy. I have this fear of taking pictures in public. Being a tourist is one thing...I'm fine with that because it's expected, but to whip out my camera and snap a picture in the middle of the work day, especially when I'm not taking a picture of a client's haircut or something, well, that induces some nervousness. Heaven forbid someone think I'm crazy or ask what it is I'm doing to which I would simply reply with "a photo project." No big deal right? Somehow my mind makes it a big deal, and I refrain from taking pictures of something I find interesting. I'm currently trying to break out of that fear. April 3rd: Something Beginning with A Lately, alternative medicine and acupuncture have been on my mind more than usual. I'm currently cranking out a ten page paper on the subject for my English class. I bought this TIME magazine several months ago and never made the time to read it until recently. I'm using two of the articles for my paper. While I've written pages and pages of stories and such before, I've never comprised a research paper so this will be interesting. Wish me luck.:)

April's Photo-a-Day Project!

I...am obsessed with Pinterest! I stumble upon so many lovely, thoughtful, edible, and beautiful images on a daily basis. Typically I feel all inspired and or hungry when spending a little time there. All in moderation though. If there is too much "pinning" then my head starts to spin and that's no fun. The other day I was perusing all the pretty things and noticed a friend pinned this "April Photo-a-Day" action. There is a prompt for every day and seeing as I'm not too skilled with my camera, I thought I'd give it a shot. April 1st: Play This... is our kitchen table. There is a tiny spot across from this brightly colored chaos that is carved out for Jeff but in the meantime, I have exploded it into a work space. Yup. I'm wanting to give my etsy store a shot again. (hence this photography business)I have tons of supplies left over from when I made jewelry on a regular basis. I've combined those things with my love of collage and am curious to see what happens. Currently I've hit a couple of road blocks. I haven't used paint in so long that I have no idea what the rules are when it comes to prepping and finishing. Thank God for Google and YouTube right? Also...glue has been another adventure. I glued some pieces to a couple of Moleskine journals and when I took the green one to work as a test drive, three of the flowers came off. Now I know I'm making something that includes raised objects and it's bouncing around in my cavernous purse all day but c'mon! After only twenty four hours?! I went back to the art store and got some "industrial strength" glue instead of the "jewelry glue" I originally tried. Problem solved! It's been easy to fall into the trap of staring at other people's blogs, etsy stores and seemingly "perfect" lives and then comparing my recent bumbling, inexperienced efforts to their experienced, finished products. Rarely do I come across a blog that talks about and shows the "failures" and "bad days" of making stuff, or even writing. I am recognizing more and more that I need to stay on my own table, create my own mess, keep the comparisons to a minimum and remember that everyone started somewhere.